If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
