Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the day after is always just damage control
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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