I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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