WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has the fingertips of a God
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