they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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