We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
