I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
