Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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