so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
