So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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