I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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