I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
