so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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