sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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