Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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