I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
