I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
