I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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