It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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