Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
