I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
