oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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