We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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