Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
