she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
