Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
