My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
