I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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