if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
