He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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