you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
