your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
