Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
