we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
