I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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