can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
