dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
