went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
