Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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