dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
