I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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