Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
