I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
