Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
