why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
