That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
