I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
