Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i came on her dog
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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