I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
