Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
