I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
