Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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