I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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