The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
